Copyright © 2011 Jaideep Ranade

One of the more infamous personalities in history, Adolf Hitler, born one and half pounds underweight, grew up to be a fine young man and a natural leader of brainwashed soldiers usually high on beer and pot. He was a talented man, with interests ranging from art to war. He was particularly a fan of Charlie Chaplin, and tried to emulate his looks on more than one occasion. However, his barber found it especially hard to copy the mustache as is. His barber was a Jew, and the rest is all history. Adolf’s other interests as a boy included boxing (watching the sport was all the pale boy could manage, however), throwing rotten eggs at Prussians and he was particularly a sucker for English pound cake and Vodka. Part of his grandiose plans of world conquest included monopolizing production of both.

Adolf had a second cousin twice removed named Rudolph, but the mad scientists hired by Hitler during the Second World War experimented on him and he grew antlers and ran off to the north-pole where he was drafted to serve as a carriage puller for an extremely corpulent man that likes to dress up in a red fur suite.

Sadly for Adolf, his plans for world domination came to a premature end when his brain-dead soldiers (too much pot does that) sunk an American ship and incurred their wrath, which resulted in bombing of two cities thousands of miles from Germany (the Perl Harbor incident was merely coincidence). So finally, surrounded by enemy soldiers, Adolf, in his haste to try and escape, slipped on a banana peel lying on the floor and pierced himself in the heart with a letter-opener. (The media somehow convinced people it was suicide) His last words as he died were “My Precioussss!”